It's been SSSSOOOOOO long!! I was so distracted by school and other obligations that I almost forgot I even had this blog. Well, I think it's time to get back into it. I've been so through so much since the last time I blogged. Most importantly, I realized that the graduate sociology program at Vandy just wasn't my cup of tea. I basically drove myself crazy trying to fit into the "scholarly academic researcher" mold before I realized that it's definitely not for me. There would times when I was so angry and frustrated that I would just sit and cry. Other days, I would experience serious bouts of anxiety. Yes, it was just that serious for me. I kept trying to figure out why I wasn't doing as well as everyone else and why they seemed so well adjusted and content with the way things were. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why I was so unhappy. The definitive turning point was went I finally went to see a counselor and she asked when was the last time I was happy. Honestly, I had no idea. I knew then that something had to be done. I continued seeing a counselor and over the next few months, we got to the root of my unhappiness...and realized that I needed to get the hell out of dodge! I discovered that my happiness comes from doing work, no matter how big or small, that directly benefits others. I also realized that I really like to get into things because I learn by doing. At Vandy, I didn't feel like I was DOING anyhting! Sitting around a classroom analyzing and theorizing about social issues or discussing "scholarly" research just doesn't do anything for me. Actually, I take that back...IT PISSES ME OFF!! There are real problems out there and we could use our so-called extensive knowledge to help solve them. But nnnnnooooo! We have to use our knowledge to help advance the scholarly community by writing books and research articles about how Marx's theory of rebellion can explain the rise of the Ku Klux Klan. Oh yeah, that's REAL helpful!
*Sigh* Okay, enough of that rant. In a nutshell, I feel like I have learned and grown so much. I have a better idea of what I want out of life and even though I'm still trying to figure out the next step, I feel I'm going in the right direction. It may take a while, but I'll get there :-)
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Girl, it's almost 11pm on a Friday night and I am supposed to be "productive" but I found myself finding other ways to spend time.... which brought me to your blog! Random I know, but I just wanted to say I am glad you are doing much better and found what makes you happy! Grad school at Vandy is not for everyone and I think that is a good thing (can you imagine... ugh) So I wish you luck with what your doing... go out there and change the world then I'll just sit in the room, analyze it and write about it :)
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