Are You Enough? Pt. I

I've recently started exercising regularly, (Yay me!!) and one of my favorite videos is Cardioke by Billy Blanks, Jr. It is the bomb!! Anyway, the cool down song at the end of the video is a very moving, powerful song called "You are Enough" which was written and sung by his wife. I honestly thought it would be corny and sappy, but by the middle of the song I was ready to cry. I sincerely wished I had heard the song during my time sadness and frustration at Vandy because it was exactly what I needed to hear. During most of my life and especially my time at Vandy, I felt like I always had to live up to some impossible, unreachable expectation. I had to be the BEST at everything and had to show everyone that I could above and beyond. When I was doing that well at Vandy, I felt my identity and self-worth crumble. I kept pushing myself to do better and beating myself up when I didn't. Even though I hated what I was doing, I kept forcing myself through it because I felt like I had something to prove to others. Even when I'd already made the decision to leave, I constantly thought about how others would perceive me. Would they think of me as a failure? When I talked about this with my counselor, she told me four words that changed everything: "Nicole, you are enough." It took a while for the message to get through because I'd never had anyone say that to me before. I was enough? How? I hadn't done anything worth talking about. But she convinced me otherwise. She began going over all the things that I had shared with her from small accomplishments to emotional obstacles and letting me know that I've been through and survived a lot. I was enough because after all I've been through I was still standing and still strong. And you know what? She was right. I put a lot of things into perspective after that session, and I realized that all that time I spent trying to prove myself to others was a waste. If who I am isn't enough to please them then that is their loss! To those who matter, I'm just me...and that's good enough.