My Thoughts...Random Yet Relevant (At least to Me)

Are You Enough Part II

2009-09-11T17:38:00.002-05:00

So the inspiration for the last blog post stemmed from my observations of numerous people. Not just all people, but the ones that seem to have something to prove to everyone. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that go out of their way to buy the new Louis Vuitton bag that they can't afford so everyone can see it. The ones that buy that new car that will take them forever to pay off just so they can show everyone that they're "doing it big". Simply put, the ones that just feel the need to show off whatever they have whether big or small. The ones that make you wanna say, "Please get over yourself...NOW!!!" Yep, those are the ones. But, for whatever reason, it seems like their population is growing exponentially everyday. I especially notice it on Facebook, namely in photos. They have to put on their best outfits (or lack thereof), pose with their prized possessions, etc. and take a million pictures. Truth be told, it doesn't really bother me until they write stupid *** captions like, "Damn, I'm fine", or "Yeah, I know you want this", or other crap like "Don't be jealous." WTF?? Is it really that serious? Do you really feel the need to have others validate you like that? Honestly? And do even get me started on groups like "Finest Girls on Facebook" or "Biggest Asses on Facebook" where girls shamelessly post nearly naked pictures of themselves so random perverted guys can salivate over them. Ugh! I've had enough!!!

So I just wanna ask all of those people, "Are you Enough?" Do you love and believe in yourself to the point where you don't have to let people know that you are "it"? Are you confident enough to not need constant validation from others? Do you think material things matter more than self-love? Do you care more about the welfare of others or how others see you? Do you think what's on your body is more important than what's in your mind and your heart?

Lose the designer names, fancy car, expensive bag, and "I'm better than you" attitude. All that does is hide who YOU are. Be proud. Be who you are you. BE YOU! YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

Are You Enough? Pt. I

2009-07-12T23:52:00.004-05:00

I've recently started exercising regularly, (Yay me!!) and one of my favorite videos is Cardioke by Billy Blanks, Jr. It is the bomb!! Anyway, the cool down song at the end of the video is a very moving, powerful song called "You are Enough" which was written and sung by his wife. I honestly thought it would be corny and sappy, but by the middle of the song I was ready to cry. I sincerely wished I had heard the song during my time sadness and frustration at Vandy because it was exactly what I needed to hear. During most of my life and especially my time at Vandy, I felt like I always had to live up to some impossible, unreachable expectation. I had to be the BEST at everything and had to show everyone that I could above and beyond. When I was doing that well at Vandy, I felt my identity and self-worth crumble. I kept pushing myself to do better and beating myself up when I didn't. Even though I hated what I was doing, I kept forcing myself through it because I felt like I had something to prove to others. Even when I'd already made the decision to leave, I constantly thought about how others would perceive me. Would they think of me as a failure? When I talked about this with my counselor, she told me four words that changed everything: "Nicole, you are enough." It took a while for the message to get through because I'd never had anyone say that to me before. I was enough? How? I hadn't done anything worth talking about. But she convinced me otherwise. She began going over all the things that I had shared with her from small accomplishments to emotional obstacles and letting me know that I've been through and survived a lot. I was enough because after all I've been through I was still standing and still strong. And you know what? She was right. I put a lot of things into perspective after that session, and I realized that all that time I spent trying to prove myself to others was a waste. If who I am isn't enough to please them then that is their loss! To those who matter, I'm just me...and that's good enough.

Would You Just Go on and Die Already?!

2009-06-23T21:34:00.004-05:00

I'm talking about reality shows. For the last few years, I have seen smart sitcoms and dramas slowly drop out of the spotlight in order to make room for the dumb, mindless entertainment we call reality television. Every week, millions of Americans tune into these shows depicting so-called "real" events. In actuality, what they get is bits and pieces out of thousands of hours of filming. Nothing they watch is "real." It's shaped by the producers, directors, and other powers that be. Yet, no one really seems to care. They're too engrossed in watching the lives of others. And the phenomenon seems to be spreading faster than a fungus. My fav example: That disaster of a show on BET called College Hill, hailed as the first all-black reality show (Wouldn't MLK be proud?). They're even on Cartoon Network!! Let me repeat that: Cartoon Network!! Aren't they supposed to show...ummm...cartoons?! No, now they've even gotten in on it. They have two so far: The Othersiders, which features kids looking paranormal activity and crap, and Survive This, where teens are forced to survive in the wilderness due to "real" crisis situations. In the first episode, the crisis was the event of their school bus crashing in the wilderness, which I can totally understand because stuff like that happens everyday. *Rolls eyes*

What happened to the Golden Age of actors and actresses reading scripts, memorizing lines, and evoking feelings and emotion?? Matter of fact, why the hell is that considered the Golden Age?? That's damn sad. But I won't say there isn't hope. The recent tongue lashing of Speidi by Al Roker restores my belief that, one day, Americans will get over it already. They'll quit pining over fake celebrities and fake shows and return to...well...reality. I'm not holding my breath though.

Don't Let Other People Steal Your Energy!

2009-06-18T14:58:00.005-05:00

Don't you hate when you're having a Sun-is-shining-I-feel-like-I-can-conquer-the-world or a Man-I-feel-so-relaxed-I'm-just-gonna-take-it-easy kind of day and someone calls or approaches you with nothing but complete and utter BS? And for some reason, after you've interacted with that person, your high is just GONE WITH THE WIND!! Well, next time that person calls or approaches you, just say these kind words: "Sorry, but I'm feeling too good to deal with your crap right now. Why don't you come back and see me when I'm having a bad day?" Okay reality check! I would never actually do that, but I'm sure it would feel damn good. Instead, I just cut the convo short, try my best to forget about what that person said, and go on about my lovely day. I refuse to let you steal my energy!

Back to Blogging...

2009-06-17T19:04:00.003-05:00

It's been SSSSOOOOOO long!! I was so distracted by school and other obligations that I almost forgot I even had this blog. Well, I think it's time to get back into it. I've been so through so much since the last time I blogged. Most importantly, I realized that the graduate sociology program at Vandy just wasn't my cup of tea. I basically drove myself crazy trying to fit into the "scholarly academic researcher" mold before I realized that it's definitely not for me. There would times when I was so angry and frustrated that I would just sit and cry. Other days, I would experience serious bouts of anxiety. Yes, it was just that serious for me. I kept trying to figure out why I wasn't doing as well as everyone else and why they seemed so well adjusted and content with the way things were. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why I was so unhappy. The definitive turning point was went I finally went to see a counselor and she asked when was the last time I was happy. Honestly, I had no idea. I knew then that something had to be done. I continued seeing a counselor and over the next few months, we got to the root of my unhappiness...and realized that I needed to get the hell out of dodge! I discovered that my happiness comes from doing work, no matter how big or small, that directly benefits others. I also realized that I really like to get into things because I learn by doing. At Vandy, I didn't feel like I was DOING anyhting! Sitting around a classroom analyzing and theorizing about social issues or discussing "scholarly" research just doesn't do anything for me. Actually, I take that back...IT PISSES ME OFF!! There are real problems out there and we could use our so-called extensive knowledge to help solve them. But nnnnnooooo! We have to use our knowledge to help advance the scholarly community by writing books and research articles about how Marx's theory of rebellion can explain the rise of the Ku Klux Klan. Oh yeah, that's REAL helpful!

*Sigh* Okay, enough of that rant. In a nutshell, I feel like I have learned and grown so much. I have a better idea of what I want out of life and even though I'm still trying to figure out the next step, I feel I'm going in the right direction. It may take a while, but I'll get there :-)

I want to be happy but...

2009-01-30T09:55:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I'm SUPER happy that Obama passed the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act! We never saw legislation like this during the Bush Administration. Hell, we never really saw any legislation that didn't benefit rich, married, Christian white people. So, the feminist in me was pumping her fists in their air when Obama signed this into law. OH HAPPY DAY!!

But wait a minute...

Not too long before, he pulled $200 million in family planning funding from the stimulus package under immense pressure from Republicans. Now I'm all for bipartisanship but W...T..F?!?! This funding would've given hope to the millions of low-income women who are not able to afford contraceptives or have access to family planning services. But, for whatever reason, the Repubs saw this as a waste of money. Now I could be wrong, but I'm pretty that increasing the number of births would have the opposite effect of aiding the recession. But I'm just saying...

Back in college, I had NO insurance whatsoever. My family fell upon hard times so there wasn't really much of a choice. I could say from personal experience that getting access to contraceptives wasn't an easy task. I couldn't afford to see a real doctor, so I had to rely on the local, sorry a** health department. Getting an appointment was very hard. I would have to make one about a month in advance (This was the one by my school. Don't even get me started on the one in my hometown). If I was able to schedule one early in the morning, then I would be in and out most of the time. Later in the afternoon was a different story. I would be there for hours. It was manageable for me seeing as how I had nothing else to do. But I couldn't begin to imagine the frustration of those with jobs and children to take care of...ugh. Anywho, one day I had an appointment only to arrive at the health department and finding out that it was closed for some kind of meeting or some crap like that. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. I called the next day to see if I could come then, and they told me that I didn't even have an appointment the day before (Although, the appointment reminder card they gave me last time said different), that it was the week before, and seeing as how I missed that I had to schedule another appointment. *Sigh* I didn't think it could get any worse...until I was told that it would be almost two months before I could see a doctor. Are you serious?!?! I shot them the deuces and scheduled an appointment with the Student Health Center. They were really fast and I was in and out before I knew it. Pretty good service. I was feeling good until I realized that, without insurance, birth control would cost me $20 every month...for the generic brand! OH HELL NO!! I was barely getting by as it was. But I had to suck it up and pay that $20 because even though I was broke, I would be even worse off with a child! Oh, but it didn't end there. Turns out, without insurance, the appointment ended up costing me $95!!! I actually cried after I found out. I don't remember how I got through it, but thank God I did.

So the moral of that long, random story that just wasted the last minute and a half of your life was to let you know how hard it is for low-income women getting access to contraceptives. In some aspects, I was an exceptional case because I had no children and and a loan refund to help me get by. Hell, when I look back at it I was probably damn lucky. I can't imagine working a low-wage job and having mouths to feed while trying to pay for doctor's appointments and contraceptives in order to keep from having MORE mouths to feed. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. And I can't even begin to fathom what kind of headaches these unfortunate women will have in the coming years without that funding. I love you Obama and that fact that you're trying to "reach across the aisle," but do me a favor: pull your hand back from across that aisle, take a good look at it, and then...SLAP YOURSELF!!!

Go to this link and take action:
http://www.capwiz.com/now/issues/alert/?alertid=12539436

Why I Hate Jazmine Sullivan's "Bust Your Windows"

2009-01-28T20:18:00.005-06:00

I know this song is kinda old now, but I still wanna speak on it. I'm not a fan of Jazmine Sullivan's in the first place. Her voice gets on my last nerve. It always sounds like she's in pain. Anywho, that's neither here nor there. As much as I hate to listen to her, I decided to sit down one day and listen to the song in its entirety. That was stupid. The whole song is the embodiment of the "angry black woman" stereotype. She catches her man cheating and decides to hurt him back by busting his car windows. Wow. That's mature. Now don't get me wrong. I've never been with a guy for five years, but if i had been with him that long only to find out he was a lying, cheating snake yeah I'd be hurt beyond belief. But to think that I'm so shaken up over you that I'd actually go so far as to vandalize your property?? Please don't flatter yourself!! It's really not that serious. You are not the end. Life goes on with or without you. My mother once told about one of her relatives who gave this man the best years of her life. She married him right out of high school, and they started a family immediately. She thought everything was going well. Years later, he leaves their house one night and calls her hours later to let her know that he was wasn't coming back. She had absolutely no job and had several children to raise. I can't begin to imagine the pain she felt. Know what she did? She went to her room, cried her eyes out for about 10 minutes, wiped them away, and moved on. From what I understand, she has a good job now and is doing really well for herself. So are her children. This is the type of story I'd like to hear in a song. Not that "My man left me and I'm so hurt and bitter so I'm gonna make him feel my pain" crap in Jazmine Sullivan's song. I recommend "My Joy" by Leela James, where she sings: "Cause if I thought you were the end all in my be all/I would've never left you alone/and I wouldn't be on my own/and I never never would've grown. And she does not have to bust your windows in order for you to know.

Two Quick Things to Say about the Holiday Season

2008-12-09T01:16:00.003-06:00

First of all-Give, give, give!! Whether it's doing community service or being extra generous to family and friends, give all you can this season. Today, I donated $25 to the Salvation Army's Angel Tree Project to give a holiday dinner to an underprivileged family. Now I know that sounds like a lot of money, but think about what a simple holiday dinner we take for granted will mean to them. I also have two community service projects lined up: One as a volunteer at this thrift store that provides affordable clothing for low-income individuals as well as donating money to local charities and another as an usher at a special production of "The Nutcracker" for underprivileged children and the elderly. I'm looking forward to both of them. So I encourage you all to open your wallet or donate your time to anyone that needs a helping hand. This is a very stressful time for many of us in this country. Why not try making someone's day better?

Second-I know this is a pretty random question, but why is "A Few of My Favorite Things" considered a holiday song? I'm hearing it everywhere I go, and it's driving me nuts! Wasn't that on some movie with this crazy woman singing every five minutes? Haha! Okay, I'm done!

Anywho, Happy Holidays!

I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35

And The Award for Stupid Person of the Week Goes to...

2008-12-07T11:43:00.000-06:00

None other than Jon Favreau! This future (He hopes!) White House director of speechwriting attended a party where he played around with and grabbed the breast (or in this case, touched the chest area) of a life-sized cardboard cutout of Hillary Clinton and...this is what REALLY won him the award...put pictures of it on Facebook! That's right, Facebook! This fool was smart enough to become Obama's head speechwriter at only 27 yet STUPID enough to put take such sexist, tasteless pictures and parade them on the Internet for the world to see?? Oh wow Jon...WOW! I'm actually glad he did it. Now the Obama administration can see this guy's stupidity in all its glory and grandeur. In just a few simple minutes of uploading pics, this guy has destroyed his entire career and reputation. I applaud him. Not many people can pull off ignorance of that magnitude...okay maybe they can. The Clinton camp had this to say: "Sen. Clinton is pleased to learn of Jon's obvious interest in the State Department, and is currently reviewing his application." Confused? So am I. Perhaps we'll see an ironic storybook ending like the Samantha Power incident? Only time will tell! But in the meantime, enjoy your Stupid Person of the Week Award Jon Favreau! You've DEFINITELY earned it!

Dr. Jekyll

but with a couple of swigs of beer he becomes:

Mr. Hyde!!

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/12/06/o bama-speechwriter-favreau-learns-the-perils-of-facebook/

R.I.P Sarah Palin's VP Campaign

2008-12-07T10:40:00.000-06:00

Oh how I will miss her folksy language, her off the wall comments, and her uncanny ability to participate in long, extensive interviews and never actually answer a question (Now that's talent). No longer do I have the pleasure of turning on the evening news or visiting my favorite news blogs in hopes of seeing what treats Sarah had in store for us for that day. *Sigh* Anywho, Talking Points Memo put together this little compilation of Sarah's finest campaign moments. Ahhh the memories!

R.I.P. Sarah Palin's VP Campaign. You brought joy and laughter to many.

First REAL post

2008-11-15T10:33:00.001-06:00

Not really sure what to write but since music is really near and dear to my heart, I decided to post my latest playlist.

1. Mary Mary-Get Up
Great inspirational song! It gives me that "get up and go" that I need in order to start my day. That is unless I'm feeling extra lazy! LOL!

2. Christina Aguilera-Keeps Getting Better
I just love her. Her voice is phenomenal. I have to say that she has fallen off recently (Have you seen pics of her? She looks a HOT mess!), but this song makes up for it.

3. Adele-Cold Shoulder
I don't know what's in the water over there in the UK, but I swear singers from across the pond are bring soul back in a BIG way.

4. Pink-So What
Ahhh...an up-tempo break up song. What more could you ask?

5. Ciara f/T-Pain-Go Girl
I'm bascially tired of T-Pain, but hey it's dance song by Ciara. Can't go wrong there.

6. T.I. f/ Rhianna-Live Your Life
Do I really need to explain this?

7. Ashanti-You're Gonna Miss
Another break up song...but with an 80's like beat. I don't really like Ashanti, but the song is definitely catchy. You can never go wrong with an oldschool beat to me.

8. Adele-Make You Feel My Love
One word...BEAUTIFUL!!!

9. John Legend f/ Estelle-No Other Love
Can't go wrong with these two together. I'm actually not that crazy about John Legend's new album, but this one caught my attention.

10. John Legend-Good Morning
Another one of the few songs I liked from his album. What woman doesn't want a man to wake her up with a song??

11. Fallout Boy-I Don't Care
Fallout Boy...hell yeah!!! And as with every other Fallout boy song, I have no idea what they're talking about!! But d*** if it doesn't sound catchy!!

12. Kevin Rudolf-In the City
I can't get into "Let it Rock." Maybe because Lil' Wayne is in it. Anywho, this song sounds 10 times better to me. Dude has serious guitar skills.

13. The Veronicas-Untouched
This is actually kinda old. Just heard it for the first time not too long ago. Also has an 80's like beat. Luvin it!!

14. The Pussycat Dolls-I Hate this Part
Sad breakup song. Can't have too many of those on the same playlist. S*** gets depressing.

15. Janelle Monae-Sincerely Jane
Her album has a sci-fi theme to it, with the exception of this and a few other songs. I'm actually starting to get into the sci-fi songs though. Maybe it's the whole storytelling thing. I'm not sure, but she's definitely one watch.

16. Santogold-Creator
Gotta love her! This song is a big f*** you to conventionalism. Her whole style is as well. A black girl who refuses to be defined as a R&B or Hip-Hop artist. Fight the power girl!

17. M.I.A. f/Timbaland-Come Around
I don't know how to describe this girl. The fact that she came out of nowhere should tell you something. The beat on this song is SERIOUS!!!

18. M.I.A. f/Jay-z-Boyz (Remix)
The first 10 seconds of the song makes you go WTF?! Once that marching band beat comes in, it's over! The fact that Jay-Z is on it makes it THAT much better!

19. M.I.A.-Paper Planes
No need to explain. If you can't understand the AWESOMENESS (yeah I said it!) of this song, I'm gonna pray for you...

20. Beyonce-Single Ladies
YEAH BOI!!!! This is my jam!!! Unfortunately for B, her album sounds like crap so I don't think they'll be too many more of her songs on my playlists. *Hangs head in disappointment* Oh well, more room for everyone else!

Yeah I realize the randomness of that list, but hey that's me!! :)

-Nicole

Yay! I have a blog!

2008-11-15T10:29:00.000-06:00

Wow...my first blog! I guess I'll see how long I'll be able to keep this up. LOL! I'm making myself write down any important thoughts that may come to mind. Instead of bottling them up, I'm letting them out. Kind of like a stress reliever. Lord knows how much I need that! I wonder how many visits I'll get over time. Can't wait to see!

-Nicole